Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Boise Divorce Attorney Discusses Managing the Stressful Effects of Divorce on Children

The divorce rate in the United States sits firmly at 50%. While any divorce is stressful, a divorce can be particularly traumatic when children are involved. Research shows that children who are in the middle of a high conflict divorce may suffer from anxiety, depression, substance abuse, poor school performance and low self-esteem. No parent wants to harm their child but often the pressure both parents are experiencing during a divorce translates into extreme stress for their children.

As a Boise Divorce Attorney I have seen full grown adults lose their dignity and self-respect during contentious divorce litigation. I have often wondered why the adults can't see past their own issues and see what they are doing to their children. My perspective isn't one of being overly critical of these people, it is an outsider's perspective which, in order to be an effective divorce attorney, I must seek to understand. As a Boise Divorce Attorney, in order to help my clients and their children, I must seek to understand how two people who once loved each other, now cannot stand each other; and how two people who love their children can put their kids in these terribly stressful situations. As part of my job as a divorce attorney I need to help my client, and hopefully through example, help the other party, resolve their divorce as amicably as possible. If not for my client's self-preservation, for their children's.

The most difficult aspect of being a divorce attorney is seeing the conflict that effects the children of divorce. I strive to help my clients through this and to find ways to intervene. In Ada County, judges require that parents go to mediation, and as a Boise Divorce Attorney I routinely send my clients through it, with mixed results. I have had some success explaining to my clients that it is better for them and their soon to be ex's to work out a parenting plan on their own instead of having a plan that doesn't work or a plan that is forced upon them by the court. I have also had some success explaining the statistics about the effects of divorce on kids to my clients and encouraging them not to put their kids in the middle. I have also had success sending my clients to parenting classes.

I have heard of Boise divorce attorneys setting up third-party custody transfers but I find these too harsh and unrealistic. These people will eventually need to learn to co-parent and I see it as a crutch.

As a Boise divorce attorney I strive to understand this issue in order to help my clients. It would be a fine day in Idaho when the Court would develop a highly effective way of managing the stressful effects of divorce on children.

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